Where to begin? No blog-worthy events have occurred for weeks, but finally a few mildly humorous (as opposed to humerus, the long bone of the upper arm that I have not yet broken, praise God) situations have happened. I have acquired a constellation of symptoms that include overwhelming tiredness not associated with any type of exertion, inability to concentrate on anything, disinterest in previously enjoyed hobbies.
To my tremendous relief, my multi-faceted mental state seems to be a true entity, not a figment of my overactive imagination. Ha. And it is described in others. Misery truly loves company. Apparently, those persons experiencing long term social isolation are a setup for the condition. IE, Covid confinement. This affliction combines features of depression, but not really; apathy; lethargy, not being able to think of any reason to get out of bed in the morning; and occasional crankiness, bad temper. I have all those things!
I described my symptoms to my very patient and well-read friends, two of whom found actual references for this syndrome, if you will. It’s called “languishing.”
http://www.nytimes.com › 2021/04/19 › well Apr 19, 2021 · Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing — the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not…
And Acedia (long and scholarly reference): https://getpocket.com/explore/item/acedia-the-lost-name-for-the-emotion-we-re-all-feeling-right-now?utm_source=pocket-newtab
I’ve been vindicated. Strike one (strikes two and three are not covered in this post). I’ve become bad tempered and grumpy. As an example: I set out for our local specialty hardware store that always has everything. When I stepped in the door I was greeted by a pleasant man about 6’10”. In my dating years, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I sought out men taller than I. I can judge a man’s height with incredible accuracy at 20 paces.
This man was offering good advice, trying to figure out what type of weed killer I needed. He asked what kind of weeds was I targeting. Yikes. Was I supposed to know this? I did my best at describing them, but when I was in mid-sentence another employee wedged himself and his customer into my description. Most irritating. Then my original helper asked again what kind of weeds I had. I snapped that they were the same weeds I had described to him less than two minutes earlier. What possessed me to be so mean? A symptom of languishing.
I felt terrible about my rudeness; worried all afternoon, into the evening. I thought I might feel better if I apologized, so the next day I returned to the store. I saw no one 6’10”, but another employee asked if he could help. I told a not quite lie and said someone had given me a suggestion earlier and I had to ask him a question. The conversation then took a turn for the worse:
Employee: Maybe I can help you.
Me: No, I’d like to speak to the other guy.
Employee: Well, what did he look like?
Me: He was 6’10” tall.
Employee: We have no one here who looks like that.
Me: Yes, you do (idiot, not said aloud). He is 6’10” tall.
Employee: Well, Jackson is pretty tall. He’s in the back ( Jackson was dragged out. He was 6’6”.)
Me: It’s not Jackson.
The tall helper had on a company shirt—I had not been interacting with a fellow customer. A small crowd was gathering. This could not get any more ridiculous. I don’t think stores that size have their own security. I decided it was time for me to leave. This was getting me nowhere. My parting shot, as I huffed out the door, repeating my previous question, but much louder: “What’s wrong with you people? How could you possibly lose someone that is 6’10” tall?” That showed them.
Up to this point in time, I have not yet returned to the scene of this exhibition. If and when I solve the mystery I’ll let you know immediately.
The way in which I closed bogs in the past, “pray for me” is obviously still in effect.